It can't be denied, I am not getting any younger. As the days go by, I know that I am nearing the next phase of our life. (No, folks, this is not an announcement, but rather more the ponderings of my mind at 2:15 AM.) I know that one day in the next few years we will begin to embark on a new journey called parenthood. I know it will be an exciting, fun, scary, interesting, exhausting, bewildering, fast, amazing time in our lives all wrapped up in one. I look to the future with a lot of hope, and anticipation.
The one thing I was pondering this evening is bad habits. Truth be told, married couples have heard it time and time again... "The qualities that most attracted us, have now become most annoying." I was sitting hear thinking about some of my own weaknesses, and envisioning our future offspring.
I wonder how my own current bad habits will effect them? (Or is it affect? I always confuse the two, and rarely remember that there is an "affect".) I look at myself and see a carbon-copy of my own parents. I look at my husband and see a carbon copy of his parents.
Then I can't help but wonder, do parents realize they have these "bad habits"? Do they see them only when their child is failing in their mid-life? Do they feel responsible, or not? When does responsibility come, and when does it go? How old is your child before you don't feel guilty of their bad habits that they no doubt learned from you.
This post may seem crazy since we don't even have children. But, I often wonder.
For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. In fact, I remember as a matter-of-fact, saying in pre-marriage counseling, there is no higher calling but to be a mom. For the last few years, I can just feel it in me starting to blossom... but as the days are approaching when this could be reality in the next few years... I tense up! Me? A Mom? Oh gosh! Where do I even begin? My head starts spinning, and I start a mini-freak out. I'll be in charge of a life? Are you CRAZY?? I'm too yo....ung..... and then it dawns on me... I'm not too young... there are sooo many more people out there with even mulitple children. I mean, so much is out there... so much could go wrong... there is so much shaping, molding, and just overall responsibility... and that will be placed on me?? What in the world am I thinking?
Eventually, I come down out of my freak-out and I begin envinsioning little girls in cute little floral dresses with cardigan sweaters... little boys with button-down shirts, argyle sweater vests, and coduroys ... laughing, playing... and influencing them.
*sigh*
So, I just needed to blog about this.... now... I am done.
To all the parents out there... please know that you are highly honored, and respected in my book. You have one of the most amazing jobs in the world! I hope you feel God's blessings all around you.
Anna
1 comment:
I'd be worried about your kdis being like Jeremy too...Oh wait. That's not exactly what you said. LOL! Kidding. Kidding. Mostly. ;)
Parenthood is one freak out after another, so you are off to a good start. Parenthood brings out the best and worst of everyone. You will see all of your flaws reflected back to you in the face of your children. Only those of us who are honest will admit that. It doesn't matter that we adopted Micah, we still see them reflected in him. Pieces of us and parts of his birthfamily, all rolled into one. This poor kid, he has two sets of parents to screw him up. The bio ones and us.
It's a heavy responsiblity. You worry, will they choose to serve God? Will they grow up to be productive? Will people like them? Am I screwing them up? Yet, it's alot of joy too. When they finally start saying please and thank you, it's a major deal and a great feeling.
I hope you can work through these things soon, but most of them you will just deal with as the times. Blogging is a great outlet too! :)
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